Growing up
Jewish in LA in the 60s and 70s, I was exposed fairly regularly to accounts of
the Holocaust. I had heard stories of survival from relatives of survivors. In
college I studied about Raoul Wallenberg and read Elie Weisel. I watched Schindler’s list, Life is Beautiful and The
Pianist. I have visited Holocaust museums in New York, Washington DC and
Israel. And yet apparently none of this sufficiently prepared me for today’s
experience at Auschwitz.
I have been to
landmarks of brutality before. I have visited Vietnam, Pearl Harbor and of
course the 9/11 site. But this experience is a monument to hate and brutality
like no other. One of my classmates asked me what was the most powerful part of
the tour. Many were moved by the unending piles of glasses, hair, shoes (children’s
especially) and suitcases. Others stood aghast at the methods of torture like
the standing room or the hanging posts. Certainly no one was unaffected by the
stack of Zyklon B cans and the chambers in which they were emptied. All of that
in a way made the crematoriums seem kind by comparison, a simple method of
washing away the torment and torture of these poor souls who were selected for
death merely because they were born Jewish.
I connected
strongly with them at the train stop in Birkenau. Standing near the tracks
having passed through the large brick gate under the guard tower. This was the
place where I empathetically felt the horror. I could barely imagine what it
felt like to have just survived being packed into a rail car standing with 100
other people. (The actual car looked so much smaller than in any film I had
seen.) I could feel the fright by the thought of arriving in this place. It's not scary like
in the films. It's bright and green and there are birds chirping, yet now being
lined up with uncertainty. Not knowing the future. Work? Death? The future of
loved ones? I realized there and then that the choice made by the Nazi Dr. of
sending someone to the gas chamber may actually have been a relief over
condemnation to hard labor, starvation, rats, exhaustion and dysentery as was
so called “life” in the crowded and austere barracks.
The raw emotions
were overwhelming. The strongest was hate. I don't know how I can ever look a
German in the eye with kindness in my heart, particularly one over the age of
80.
Then anger. I am
frustrated that the commandant of Auschwitz was only hanged for his crimes. He
got off easy. Perhaps he should have been slowly tortured in a standing only
cell and starved to death while rats chewed on his extremities.
Then cynicism. A
very small number of the thousands of Nazis involved in these hate crimes were
ever punished or persecuted. However too many others even outside Germany were
complicit. If this is what humanity does to itself with thought and technology,
then why should anyone care about the race as a whole. Is there really good in
most people?
Lastly sadness.
Standing in the barracks I could feel albeit faintly the emotions of the women
and man crammed 6 to a bunk, three bunks high, languishing in filth and disease
and death and hopelessness.
What made this
experience so astounding was not just the reality of seeing it in person. It
wasn’t the aura of the souls in the space or the connection to my Jewish
brethren. No, the power of Auschwitz lies in its efficiency. It's the horror of
a real live existence of a systematic factory of energy extrusion and death
designed and built for the sole purpose of eradication of innocent people. You can
not possibly fathom it until you see it in all its cruel glory.
We Americans are
guilty. We exploited the Native Americans for land. We displaced Africans to
exploit for labor. We corralled Japanese in World War II, and dropped the
atomic bomb, twice, killing innocents. We should indeed seek pardon and
reparations for our sins. Often our reasons were not well justified. But
Hitler’s final solution was not about land, resources, war, or even greed. This
machination was effectively created to wipe this race of people off the planet
as it’s primary goal. Extracting their riches and labor was simply a beneficial
bi-product to the Third Reich. It was only here at Auschwitz staring at this
incredible death factory that I could truly understand the power and energy of
an intelligent and collective society using their natural gifts for evil.
I have often
wondered how I would have fared in the Holocaust. It’s easy to think I might
have resisted and joined the underground. Or perhaps hide or escape with help
from friends. Or maybe choosing to survive I would have sacrificed my dignity
and loyalty accepting a capo position. Without knowing my age, capabilities or
social status, I believed there is truly no way to ascertain how I would have
ended up by liberation in 1945… until today.
The German
solution for the Jews was so incredibly efficient, so well planned, so strongly
supported by so much of world society that left unstopped by geo-political
hubris they would have surely finished what they started. The Nazis indiscriminately
killed more than 3,000,000 of Poland’s Jews, over 90 percent. They killed more
than 6,000,000 Jews overall decimating the Jewish population of Europe. The
question of how I would have fared is simple. I would have died at the hands of
the Nazis. If I had been one of the blessed, that man in jackboots would have
simply pointed to me as I got off that train and it all would have been over reasonably
quickly.
I am not one who
easily gives up hope or tends to linger on the negative. There were some bright
spots in today’s trip. First, it was relieving to see full crowds at Auschwitz
today. I hope this museum is crowded every day for centuries to come. Second
was the timing of the visit. Had the class gone at the beginning of the trip it
would have set a hard tone for the week. But this Fordham group has bonded over
the last several days. And it meant a lot to experience this sore on society’s body
with good friends who show genuine love and concern for those around them.